Link of Middle Earth
by Devil Seifer
Summary: Link meets a weirdo after he looses his job at Hyrule Castle, the guy sends him to Middle Earth and the only way he can get back to Hyrule is to distroy the eminating evil, the one Ring of Power. So he tags along with the fellowship to help them out.
1. Hell as we know it

Disclaimer.

Howdy! This is my first fic as a signed author! I don't mind flames, but try to keep them to a minimal level. I don't own Zelda or Lord of the Rings. They belong to Miyamoto and Tolkien. I happen to love reviews so please keep me happy. Thankx!!!!!!

Hell as we know it… 

"LINK! HEY!!! GET UP OR YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE TO YOUR POST!!!"

"Nnnnnnnn…Don't…wanna!!!"

"LINK!!!!" Screamed the ticked Navi who was trying to wake the lazy Hero of Time up. "GET UP OR ZELDA'S GOING TO FIRE YOU AND YOU WILL NEVER ASK HER OUT!!!!!!!!!!"

"GAAAAAHHHH!!!" Link jumped out of bed and ran for the closet, grabbed his tunic, then his hat and boots. "Why didn't you wake me sooner?!" he yelled as he put his tunic on inside out.

"You were snoring so loud you just heard me yell at you!" said Navi angrily. "Plus I heard something about Zelda and a-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Yelled Link as he blushed furiously as he put his left boot on his right foot.

"Link, wrong foot." Informed Navi.

"I KNOW!" Yelled Link exasperatedly. When he was finally properly dressed, he bolted out the door with Navi flying after him.

Outside the moat of Hyrule Castle…

Link ran to the guard that usually stood there until he arrived only to find an angry, pink dressed, blonde haired female Hyalian waiting quietly.

"Uhhh…hi Zelda…" said Link hesitantly, "Might I say that you look lovely today?"

"Link, you are once again late to you're post even though I've given you the name as Head of Guard." Said Zelda, her voice dripping with acid.

"Errrrrrrr…NAVI DIDN'T WAKE ME UP!!!" said Link quickly; cringing under Zelda and Navi's poisonous glares.

"Link. I have no choice." Said Zelda sadly. "You just aren't able to keep responsibility. You're fired." Link looked at her as if he was expecting her to say "GOT CHA!!!" But she just turned and sadly walked back towards the castle gate. "You will need to get your things from inside your room." She said with her back turned as she stopped for a brief moment then walked through the gate.

"See. I told you this would-"

"Shut up."

"Link-"

"Just leave me alone."

In Hyrule Castle town…

Link walked through the town in disbelief. 'How could she do this to me?' he thought 'if she didn't give me such early watch duty I'd never be late! So it's all her fault!'

"Young man…come forth." Said a mysterious man in a draping, blood red, cloak that covered his face in shadow; he sat at a strange table draped with what seemed to be the same material, with a chair opposite him, and a cloudy ball sitting on a grotesque ball stand within arms length. "You seem troubled. Let me help you."

"If you could get me my job back that would be great." Said Link sarcastically.

"No. Just come forth." Motioned the man. Link sat in the rickety chair and stared at the guy as he raised his hands to the globe.

"_Yigath ni nan karath moienen horith, borot ke quini noi yasarath." _

"What the hell did yo-" Link began to say when a large hole seemed to rip in the center of the crystal ball. Suddenly, he felt a tug around his navel and was pitched head first into the hole.

Somewhere that no Hyalian would know about…

Link landed somewhere near a large wall-less type building. It was just pillars and exquisite paintings lining the inside. Small inscriptions lined the bottom of the large murals.

"What the hell do these signs mean?!" asked Link after he checked to see if everything was in place and nothing broken. "These are weird."

"The ring must be destroyed!!!"

'What ring?!'

"and I don't suppose you think an elf will do it." (If I said it wrong, I'm sorry, I haven't seen the movie for a while because my parents took it away…cry)

'What's an 'elf?!''

"I better see what's going on and where I am!" Link said to himself nervously. He walked to the spot were he heard a large amount of arguing and yelling.

'Damn! these people got some ISSUES!!!"

A/N: It's not all that funny right now, but just wait until the next chapter, let's just say Legolas and Link get into a very exspresive argument over a little something. You'll like it. Right now it's just the intro. Please review! At 4 reviews, I will write again. C'Y4!!!


	2. Showdown at the council: Link's new Jour...

Disclaimer: Hey all…D.Seifer here. If you've read the story Link's Crazy Days, you'd know that the author was under the Skitzo and Psyco pen name. Well this is your author the once known as The Renegade Cherry Flavored Clown who has changed her name to Devil Seifer. Anyways, I don't own LOTR or Zelda, but just to enlighten you, there will be a pretty boy fight in this chapter! Enjoy and please read and review!

P.S. I don't mind Constructive Criticism.

Showdown at the Council: Link's new Journey.

Link crouched in the bushes outside the large circle of chairs surrounding a stand in the center where the babble and mayhem was happening. He could see a large elderly man with a dysfunctional looking hat and a weird root like staff yelling at a richly dressed man with a reddish beard, thin hair, and a shield on his back. Link noticed that the old guy had very bushy eyebrows.

'Jeesh, nobody's havin' a good day today are they?' thought Link. "Can't they get along?!"

"What was that?!" said a guy who was wearing a dark grey-silverish ornate robe with long blonde hair. Link noticed that it was similar to the color of his hair, but to his ears were…short!!! They barely poked through his hair!!! What kind of Hyalian was HE?! Before Link could examine any more of the strange people a large hand grabbed his tunic and lifted him out from behind the bush and threw him into the center of the circle.

"What the hell was that for you #&?!" yelled Link rubbing his face as he turned around to see the same freak in the cloak.

"Who are you, Orc spy?" the freak asked fiercely.

"First of all, who are YOU? WHAT are you? And WHAT the hell is an ORC?!" asked Link angrily, ticked that anyone would throw him like that.

"I am Legolas Greenleaf, I am an elf, and an Orc is a foul creature that you should know about and if you say you don't then you are lying you scu-"

"Legolas!" Stood a tall black bearded man who seemed to have traveled quiet a bit recently by the state of his clothes.

"Aragorn! He must be a spy! No elf would hide in the bushes like that!" Protested Legolas.

"You would think a spy would look fowler than he does," said Aragorn, "He looks almost exactly like you Legolas, if you look closely."

"I DO NOT!" Yelled Link.

"HE DOES NOT!!!" Yelled Legolas.

"HE'S UGLIER!!!" they yelled in unison.

"NO I'M NOT!!!" they yelled again.

"YES YOU ARE!!!" They yelled once again.

"QUIT COPYING ME!" They yelled again.

"I'M NOT! YOU ARE!" yelled Link.

"I HAVE LONGER HAIR!" Yelled Legolas.

"I HAVE THE SAME LENGTH!" Yelled Link.

"NO YOU DON'T!" Yelled Legolas. Link tore off his hat to reveal a very long shiny yellow ponytail held up by some twine that fell to the middle of his bicep, then ore out the twine and pulled the sides of his hair back like Legolas', showing the similarity in the hair they shared.

"You're just proving you're identical to Legolas." Noted the old man. "By the way what ARE you?"

"I'm a Hyalian, I come from Hyrule and I used to work for the Princess Zelda." Said Link stingily with his arms crossed. After a long silence, he added "And I'm better than that freak because of one thing. I've got longer ears. HA!" Legolas examined his ears self-consciously. "Yours barely pokes out of your hair!"

"SO?" retorted Legolas, "at least I'm better at archery, sword-fighting, and horseback riding!" Link looked as if he had been slapped in the face. Then suddenly drew the Master Sword and his Mirror Shield and pointed at Legolas with is sword tip and said. "How about we test to see if your skills are as big as your words." Legolas drew his White Blades and joined Link in his stance. "Love to." The two charged to only be stopped by the old guy's staff.

"Stop this foolishness." He said sternly. "You're acting like children!"

"Gandalf!" Legolas said startled as he almost slammed into the hard, wooden pole. "But he was-"

"Doesn't matter!" yelled Gandalf. "What matters is that we destroy the one Ring of Power! Do you understand that your differences can wait?!"

"Yes." They said as they reluctantly sheathed their swords.

"I will take the Ring to Mordor!" Squeaked the small figure outside the circle.

"Who the hell is the midget in the corner?!" asked Link.

"He is Frodo Baggins of the Shire." Said a man wearing a metal band across his forehead.

"And who are you?" asked Link.

"I am Elrond of Ilamidris." Said the elf bowing.

"And where am I?"

"Middle Earth."

"And where is that?"

"Middle Earth."

"I'm confused!!!"

"You are not from here."

"How can I get back?"

"Right now, he evil of this ring is holding back the way to get you back to where you came from. So the only way to get you back is to destroy this ring and come back to Ilamidris so I can get you back." Explained Elrond.

"Joy…" said Link sarcastically. "Woopdie do…"

"Why don't help this fellowship destroy the ring and I will get you back to your homeland." offered Elrond.

"Yeah…I guess I have nothin' else to do." Link said lamely.

"When you come back when the ring is destroyed, I will help back to you're home."

"Thank you." Said Link as he saw Legolas slap his head wondering what he had done to disserve this punishment. A dwarf and an evil mutant elf! Just GREAT!

A/N: Well? How was that? I tried to make it funnier. Next time: Link and the Fellowship set off on their new journey and encounter strange new creatures. This is bound to be good! So please review and tell me if you got some ideas to torture Legolas or Link! C'Y4!!!!! R&R!!!!!! THANKX!

D.Seifer .... /


	3. Keese or Crebein!

Disclaimer: Konechiwa!!!! Welcome to another insane chapter of wackiness. I hate repeating myself but in this case I must, I don't own Zelda or LOTR. Please R&R I have noticed that not many are reviewing, except Banshi Kender and Kikyo's Killer. By the way, Banshi Kender, have you read DragonLance by any chance??? Also thanks for the great reviews you both, I really appreciate it. Anyways I was just wondering and on with the show!!!! Peace!!!

Keese or Crebein???

"Gandalf, left or right?" asked the (as Link guessed) leader of the hairy midgets.

'_Oh joy…we're doomed.'_

"Left." Replied Gandalf.

'_Thank the goddesses that SOMEBODY knows the general directions here!'_

"Merry! I think that one's lookin' at ya!" Link heard the hairy midget to his other hairy midget friend named 'Merry.'

"You think Pippin?" asked Merry, smiling at an elf maiden.

"Of course!!!" said Pippin.

"Yo! Midgets!" yelled Link. "Hurry up if you don't want to be left behind!!!"

"WE'RE HOBBITS!!!!" they yelled in unison.

"MIDGETS, HOBBITS, WHATEVER! C'MON!!!" yelled Linkdragging themtoward the exit.

Somewhere near the base of the Misty Mountains…

Link watched Legolas stand on a rock "watching for any type of trouble." He knew he was trying to look important.

"Hey, Little Miss Nancy Pants!!!" Legolas looked coldly back at Link as he walked towards him. "You can get down from your little mountain, I don't hear any type of stomping of armies or anything!" but before Legolas could come up with a cool remark, Link's ears perked up and whirled around to look at a wisp of cloud.

"I hear wing beats!" Said Link suddenly.

"Erm…me too!!!" said Legolas quickly intently staring at the cloud too. Link could tell he couldn't hear them.

"KEESE!!!" Yelled Link wildly.

"No, their not!!! Crebein from Dunland!!!" Yelled Legolas triumphantly. Link scowled as the elf puffed out his chest at the Hyalian.

"Hide!!!" yelled Aragorn. Sam doused the fire with a bucket of water, Boromir, Merry, and Pippin ran to hide under a bush, Gandalf ran under a crevice. Link looked around and saw a bush near Gimli, Aragorn and Frodo's hiding spot, he quickly dove under it and in seconds a body slammed into his gut. Legolas looked up at the cloud of birds, but felt a booted foot kick him in the back when the birds had passed. Legolas turned to find two angry watery blue eyes glaring at him. Link pushed him all the way out from under the bush.

"Watch where you're going!" Link yelled at Legolas as he stood up and dusted himself of the boot-prints on his back.

"Excuse me for trying not to get us discovered by the enemy!" yelled Legolas. "By the way," he added as an after thought, "we never got to finish our fight!!!"

"Well, what are we waiting for!!!" said Link pulling out his Master Sword and shield as Legolas pulled out his white blades. They lunged and as Legolas went to slice at Link's head, Link flipped over Legolas' head and scraped him with the tip of his shield. Link whirled around and crouched holding his sword and shield above his head. Legolas pulled out his bow, strung an arrow, only to find Link behind him with a fire arrow poised at the back of his neck. Aragorn took this stall in the fight as a chance to break it up. Aragorn grabbed Legolas and Boromir grabbed Link and pulled him back so the arrow would slip out of his grip and twang into the air and soar safely away from the fellowship only to hit an unaware Orc in Isenguard, setting it on fire.

"Mire kerack menax beiare tos nowark nom voesearc menin!!!!" cursed Link in Hyalian at Boromir mainly saying many inapropreate words.

"Must you two constantly fight like petty children?!" scolded Gandalf.

"Okay we'll stop! Just get this guy off-a me!!!!" Yelled Link as Boromir accidentally was pulling Link into a full Hyalian bridge.

"Oh…sorry." Said Boromir letting him go. Aragorn had Legolas by the arms, whom was thrashing wildly, only to reluctently go limp to show he wouldn't fight with Link anymore. Aragorn cautiously let him go.

"The path south is being watched," said Gandalf turning to the snowy mountain behind them, "We must take the pass of Caradhras!"

"Hold on a sec!!!" yelled Link kneeling down taking off his hat as if he was searching for something in it. "I gotta find my Zora's Tunic!!!"

Well? How was it? I had to reference to the movie and the book a lot for this chappie!!! whew --; Please review and tell me some ideas for the torture of Legolas and Link for the next chapter, or I won't write it! R&R!

Thankx,

D.Seifer


	4. What the hell is a 'worm baby'

Link of Middle Earth

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Disclaimer: Yay!!!! The fourth chapter is here!!!!!! All hail the fourth chapter!!! Jk. Anywho! I am very excited that this will be mucho funnier than the other chapters! I don't own Zelda or LOTR! Although I do own a Legolas, Kenshin, Evanescence, Jack Sparrow, and Middle Earth (map) Posters!!!!! (Kenshin's a wall scroll!!!) Enjoy! (And envy the posters!!!!)

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What the hell's a worm baby?!

* * *

Link searched fervently for his blue shirt ("HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU?! IT'S A TUNIC! TU-NIC!!!! MUST I BEAT IT INTO YOUR ENDLESS PIT OF YOUR AUTHORIAN BRAIN?!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S-A-TUNIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link) Okay…his tunic ("thank you!!!") in his overlarge hat. 

"Link…" asked Legolas staring as Link was half way swallowed into his hat looking for his tunic, "Why would your tunic be in you HAT?"

"Where do you think I keep everything?" asked Link sarcastically, "up my ass???"

"Link!!!" yelled Gandalf, "watch your language!!!!!"

"That's just the way I talk!!!" Link snapped back at the old wizard. "The hat trick is a Hyalian thing, don't ask why we do it, we just do…AH HA!!!! There it is!!!" yelled Link as he pulled a large sea blue tunic out of his hat.

"I can do that!" said the wizard, quite disdainfully, "watch!!!" Gandalf took of his battered hat and waved his staff over it, nodded, reached in it and pulled a bow out of it.

"I can do that too." Said Link simply. Link reached into his hat and pulled out his fairy bow and Giant's Quiver. "No biggy."

"Watch this!" Gandalf yelled as he reached in to pull out…a bunny…the fellowship stared at the fuzzy animal wiggle it's pink nose.

"Awwww…. how cute…" said Link watching the hobbits crowd around the white fur ball. "I got a better 'trick!'" Link put his quiver on his back and strung an arrow into his fairy bow; his eyes gazed around the landscape. He spotted a tree, four or five miles off, his hair started to blow in the breeze when suddenly the arrows tip, burst into flame. The fellowship jumped back appalled at what happened, Link pulled back and shot the arrow right into an eye in the tree. Legolas watched the arrow hit the eye astonished at Link's accuracy.

"I can do that!" said Legolas indignantly, Link stepped aside as Legolas took his spot and strung an arrow into his bow; Legolas took aim, and fired. The arrow zipped right through Link's arrow. Link stared floored as Legolas puffed out his chest as he always did when he bested Link.

"Lucky shot." Grumbled Link.

"That was no lucky shot my mutant friend." Said Legolas enthusiastically, "That…was skill." Link acted as if he didn't hear Legolas' evil comment.

Later, halfway up the dumb mountain…grumble…

"Hey Gimli," called Link to the dwarf who was struggling terribly through the thick powdery snow. "Need help?"

"That…would…be…great…" puffed Gimli. Legolas looked back wondering if Link was engaging in a friendship with the dwarf to cause _him_ hell. Link picked up the dwarf and slung him over his back; and with that single moment, Link and Gimli sank into the snow. Gimli's helm was the only thing you could see popping out of the snow. Legolas laughed insanely.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!!! LINK YOU FOOL!!! YOU CAN'T HOLD A DWARF OVER YOUR HEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF A BLIZZARD!!!" Legolas cackled.

"Sure I can…" mumbled Link under the snow; he threw Gimli up onto the top layer of snow and started to do some weird arm movements. Suddenly a stream of fire trailed its way up the mountain, leaving a clearing to walk in. "see…piece of cake!" said Link simply as he trudged up the trail.

Later on the same, stupid, goddess damned mountain…

It started to snow severely, and Link could see Frodo holding the ring as if his life was tied to it. One time his eyes started to roll…_that was down right creepy…just down right wrong!!!_ Thought Link fervently as Aragorn checked if Frodo was warm enough…_I don't think that's from him bein' cold, Mr. Tinkles... _(Link had seen Aragorn empty himself behind a bush right next to Gandalf. Twitch twitch…) Link was so bored he walked up to **try** to make peace with the elven worm baby. (INVADER ZIM!!!! takes a cupcake she took from Gir and stuffs it into her mouth… I miss my cupcake…cry)

"Soooo…erm…what's up?" Link asked Legolas as they walked up the snowy mountain. (CURSE THIS CURSED MOUNTAIN!!!!)

"………..Nothing…" said Legolas slowly as he stared at the Hyalian. "………Why?"

"Hey. Wanna see a cool trick?!" asked Link excitedly.

"Do I really want to?" Legolas asked hesitantly.

"Yeah! Watch." Said Link turning around to the rest of the fellowship. He pointed his finger at Gimli and a little bolt of fire flew from the tip of his finger and right into the dwarf's head. Legolas busted up laughing and quickly turned around in unison with Link.

"That was awesome!!! How did you do that?" asked Legolas suddenly realizing Link wasn't a threat of any kind. Legolas happened to be a very good judge of character.

"Eeeehhhh…"said Link waving his hand lamely, "Hyalian thing." Legolas and Link started to laugh. "I guess you're not too bad for a elven worm baby."

"Elven worm baby????? What the hell is that???!!!!" asked Legolas laughing. "if that is what I am, then I guess you're a Hyalian worm baby!"

"No…I'm a perfectly NORMAL Hyalian worm baby." Corrected Link.

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Howdy!!! Well Legolas and Link have joined forces to soon pull incredibly evil pranks on the rest of the fellowship. Mainly Gimli. Thank you for your helpful ideas for the torture of the fellowship! Please review as soon as possible, which means right after you finish reading the chapter!!!! Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thankx!!!

D.Seifer


	5. Back to Their Senses

Link of Middle Earth

Disclaimer: Hiya! Sorry I had to take a break from writing this. I got tired, my computer was being crap again, and at the moment I won't have any Internet until the 18th of Febuary! Gaaaaaahhhhh…Slams into a nearby wall Owwwwwiiiieeeeee! Also I got a dangerous disease…WRITER'S…BLOCK! Duh duh duh! Sniff…oh well! I was watching the extended versions of LOTR and recovered instantly. Sense I seem to be having a hard time getting of the crappy mountain; we will start near the walls of Moria. So IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THAN DON'T FRIGGIN' READ THE STORY! GRRRRRRR! Please read and review! I don't own LOZ or LOTR so on with the friggin' story!

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Back to the Senses

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Link and Legolas realized that the cold and boredom had taken their brains and instantly when they got so bored that they decided to torture the Hobbits and when they came to they started to fight with the little pretty boy moves that we just love sooooooo much. Aragorn, (aka. "Mr. Tinkles") decided to just let them battle until they either died, or fainted with exhaustion. Gandalf (aka. "Mr. Wrinkles") just gave up entirely and just watched Boromir (aka. "Sir Speaks-A-Lot") Gimli (aka. "Mr. Ass") try to tug helplessly at the battling green clad hotties.

"And here we thought that we were going to just have to worry about the Hobbits." Sighed Aragorn as he sharpened his sword alongside Gandalf.

"Could you go help them, Aragorn?" asked Gandalf warily, with his head down. "I need to talk to Frodo." Aragorn sighed, but started toward Link, Legolas, Gimli, and Boromir. Link pulled on Legolas' braids as Legolas pulled on Link's long bangs. Aragorn took his sword and dagger and held them to the warring pretty boys' necks and pushed them away.

"You two will not speak one unkind word or make one unkind gesture towards each other for the duration of this trip or I will personally give each of you hair cuts! Read me!" Link and Legolas held every strand of hair on their head, looked at each other for a second, and nodded fervently in unison. Aragorn nodded in approval only to be interrupted by Gimli.

"The walls! Of Moria!" Gimli gasped pointing to the side of the mountain. Everyone stared wondering where Gimli was pointing.

Alongside the walls of Moria trying to find the entrance that could take an eternity…

"Dwarven walls are impossible to find when you don't know where they are." Said Gimli excitedly banging his axe against the rocks of the mountain.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Asked Legolas to himself. Link silently agreed. Gimli ignored him.

"Even their own masters wouldn't be able to find them if their secrets forgotten." Added Gandalf he ran his hands along the rocks and found some lines carved in the side of the mountain, then murmured to himself.

"Iselien…" Gandalf said as he turned around and stared into the sky. "Mirrors only starlight, and moonlight." Link watched the clouds quickly move away from the moon and saw the lines in the mountain glow radiantly just like the moon. Gandalf stood back quite pleased with himself.

"Now what?" Link asked. Legolas glared at him as if saying '_he knows what he's doing so bug out!'_

Gandalf raised his staff and said in a booming voice, "_Anon a felden! Edro ki anae_!"

"Nothin's happening'." Pippin said to Aragorn. Gandalf said some cruel stuff and chanted some more spells.

"I used to know all the spells in the tongues of dwarves, elves, and orcs." Gandalf grumbled while fingering at the engravings. Link sighed and plopped down by the lakeside. Merry got up and stared at the door. (In the book it's Merry that solves the riddle. In my fan fiction, stolen parts are taken back. Of course sometimes I can't remember them all so please do not call me a hypocrite.)

"It's a riddle!" He said quickly. "What's the elvish word for 'friend'?"

"_Mellon…_" Gandalf said slowly. The great rock doors seemed to magically open on invisible hinges. Everyone gasped and murmured as they walked inside the doorway.

"Now Master Elf," Said Gimli to Legolas as Link walked behind him. "You will taste the fabled hospitality of the dwarves! Roaring fires! Malt beer! Ripe meat of the bone!" Gandalf put a crystal into his staff and blew over it, setting it aglow. Gimli went on with his sales pitch. "This is the home of cousin Balin, and they call it a mine. A MINE!" Gimli laughed at the thought that the dark, horrid, place was called a mine; Boromir stared around and a thought struck him like an arrow.

"This is no mine." He began. "This is a tomb!" The hobbits retreated as they saw the skeletons of dwarves with arrows poking out of every imaginable place in the body. "Get out! Get out now!" Link drew his sword as Legolas pulled an arrow from a nearby skeleton.

"Goblins." Legolas pulled out his bow and strung an arrow. Link thought this was just like every other dungeon that he's been in and that they are just big wussies, except he followed everyone else only to hear the hobbits squeaking on about one of them being missing. Link turned around to see a huge sea monster with on of the hobbits by the foot in one of it's many tendrils. The hobbits slashed the first arm away only to be slapped away and helplessly watch as the rest of the members fight the damned creature! Link saw Legolas shoot one of the arms and Link chopped three with the energy spiral attack that he knew so well. Boromir caught Frodo and heard Gandalf screaming for everyone to get into the mines. Link grabbed Legolas as he was trying to kill the monster even though no one was in danger. Legolas screamed and kicked as Link dragged him away. Gandalf struck his staff in the ground twice and stared dismally at the empty halls.

"So we must face the long dark of Moria." He said as the fellowship followed his light. "Be on your watch, there are more things than orcs in the deep places of the world. It's a four-day journey to the other side." _'Ohhhhh… joy…"_ thought Link miserably.

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Day 2…

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The fellowship walked over a mining shaft; Gandalf turned up the light a bit and held his staff over the shaft. "The wealth of Moria isn't in gold, or jewels…but in Mithril." Everyone was amazed at brilliant silver-like material that shown in the rocks. Merry leaned over to get a closer look only to have Pippin warily push him back so Merry wouldn't fall over. Link thought it would be cool to make a sword of Mithril and bring it back to Hyrule but decided to see just how this 'trip' was going to turn out.

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Day 3…

* * *

Link thought miserably that this was worse than the thought of marrying Ruto for the rest of eternity. :Shudder: The fellowship reached a path that split four ways.

"I have no memory of this place." Gandalf said slowly._ 'DAMN IT, WE'RE DOOMED!'_ thought Link.

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Day 5…

* * *

'_We were supposed to be out of this decrepit place yesterday!'_ thought Link angrily only to hear Merry and Pippin talking.

"Merry."

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

"Where's the weed?" (Link stared at the hobbits wondering what kind of weed they were talking about.00;;)

"Erm…Eh heh heh…"

"By the Valar we're doomed."

'_No duh!'_ thought Link, knowing Merry had the all around point. Link saw Gandalf and Frodo talking on a rock and saw Gandalf suddenly straighten.

"AH!" he said quickly. "It's that way."

"Gandalf's remembered!" Merry said as he stood up.

"'BOUT FRIGGIN' TIME WRINKLES!" Yelled Link as he got up to gather his effects.

"No," Gandalf replied, "It doesn't smell so fowl down here. If ever lost Meriadoc, follow your nose."

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I was going to make this longer but I've already spent 5 days finishing this one chapter. So I hope you enjoyed this chappie and up next in Link of Middle Earth is the fabled tale of Gandalf's death which is bound to be funny.

D.Seifer


	6. Plus' and Minus' Part one

Link of Middle Earth

Disclaimer: Sorry it took so long for me to update on this story, I don't seem to get so many reviews on this one…(sigh) Well, and I don't own LOTR or LOZ. So on with the show. This my not be as funny as the other ones because of Gandalf's 'death.' So I'll let you decide.

D.Seifer!

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Plus' and Minus'

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"DAMN IT!" Cursed Link as he tripped over a Dwarf skeleton. "Hey Gimli, I think this is your uncle!" Gimli started to cry as Legolas punched Link in the back of the head as Gandalf started to rat him out for being 'insensitive.' "I would be a little more sensitive if he hadn't put a rat in my cap as a joke!" Legolas punched him again just because it was fun how he would scream, howl, jump up and down swinging his sword, cussing him out. Gandalf stumped off just as Legolas sprinted past with Link flinging arrows in pursuit.

Link and Legolas rounded the corner and saw a doorway that had a block in the center.

"What the hell is this place supposed to be?" asked Link crudely as Legolas punched him again only to be kicked near the extremities as payback for the many punches. The rest of the Fellowship arrived behind the two warring pretty-boys. Gimli paused as he saw the room behind Link and Legolas.

"Ho!" he exclaimed, suddenly running into the room and falling too his knees.

'_It's pitiful when you get to see a guy that's older than you are cry.' _Thought Link sadly.

"Gimli!" Barked Gandalf, following the grieving dwarf. He gave his staff and hat to Pippin after he read the inscription (Link knew that was a bad move!) while Gimli howled and carried on; he picked up a large book that was held by a dwarf's skeleton and blew it off.

'_I don't think he'd mind that we read that.'_ Thought Link, smirking at the thought of the skeleton springing to life and attacking Mr. Wrinkles for taking the book.

Gandalf started to read from the book when his sensitive ears picked up some type of scratching of metal on rock and loud screeches of some strange creatures in the upper level.

"We shouldn't linger." Legolas warned Aragorn. _Did he hear what I just heard?_ Thought Link, for a second time in the trip agreeing with the prince. (That probably helps Link hate him because of the whole 'Zelda' thing) Just then, Pippin started to play with an arrow that was stuck inside a dwarf that was chained to a bucket that sat on a well.

'_OH CRAP!'_ Thought Link. He ran to stop the doped up hobbit from doing something stupid but it was too late. The dwarf fell into the well with a loud clanging sound.

Crash!

Everyone turned around to see Pippin standing there getting the crap beaten out of him by Link for smoking that damn weed stuff they always talk about and how awesome it makes them feel and blah blah blah blah. Link got tackled by the three other hobbits only to easily throw them off of his back and started to beat them up too.

Boom…Booommmm…Boooooooommmmmmmm!

Everyone looked down the well as they heard the beating of drums. Everything was a blur of yelling and movement. Legolas was working with Boromir and Aragorn with the door. The hobbits were huddling with their swords behind Gandalf.

"What the hell did I get my self into!" moaned Link as he unsheathed his sword and pulled out his shield as he watched Gimli jump on the tomb and pulled out his axe.

"Let them come!" He growled, "There is yet a dwarf in Moria that still draws breath!"

"And can cry like a baby." Added Link under his breath as he decided that he could snipe from the upper "level" in the room; he walked to Legolas and explained his plan.

"ARE YOU NUTS!" yelled Legolas.

"It's the perfect way to catch them with a surprise attack from above!" Link explained as he watched the Men hold the door closed.

"Then I'm doing it too!" said Legolas quickly.

"Hell no!" yelled Link, "This was MY idea!"

"So! I can help!"

"You're not helping by making us fight!"

"You're the one who's continuing this argument instead of just allowing me to help!"

"'CAUSE YOU'LL SCREW IT UP! ARGH! YOU'RE SO ANNOYING! I FINALLY GET AWAY FROM ONE ANNOIANCE AND I GET STUCK WITH ANOTHER!"

"WILL YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING AMONGST YOURSELVES AND SHOOT THESE DAMN ORCS!" Bellowed Gandalf as he took a swing at an oncoming Orc with his staff then hacking him to bits with Glamdring. Aragorn was busy trying to kill the troll using his sword. Link shrugged and pulled out an arrow, set it on fire with his magic, (causing Legolas to nearly crap himself) and started to fire them at the troll. The troll saw the Hylian and roared as it swung its hammer at the annoying thing with the large, thin, annoying, pieces of wood.

"MOVE!" Yelled Link as he pushed Legolas to the side as the troll brought down the hammer on the two pretty boys. Legolas was about to chew out Link for pushing him when he was preoccupied by troll's second swing.

* * *

Eh-heh heh heh…Sorry I had to cut it so short. This is really getting too long. It's already 4 pages and so I'm gonna make it to where there's a part two. Sorry...(Does sliding bow to the readers.) I'M SO UNWORTHY! I'M SO UNWORTHY, THAT I'M NOT WORTHY TO EAT THE DIRT MY REVIEWERS WALK ON! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! By the way…I'm sorry it took me so long to update because my computer was being a little B+#! (Grrrrrrrr) well please review and just this once I will allow you to tell me how unworthy I am to even look at my reviewers' faces…. (Cry!)

Thankses!

D.Seifer


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